I typed without a second thought

Silence reigns. the night is feverish and hot. i sweat, but in little drops, no trickles on my forehead. I write to cool. my life.my sleep. my intuition. I need to write . i want to write. how long can i remain shut. silent.alone. why must i quit being who i am. what is it worth. does it matter to the world whether I follow my own diktat or someone else's? does anyone care as much. only i care. i care to care. the truth is that i can write, despite the chains, despite the gag. I can write and tell my story. no matter who listens and no matter who minds. i care, and that's enough. for me.
i need a break. from all this. from being me. from having to play my role. i want to break the campaign of terror, i know that's a cliche, that the world has gotten together to unleash at me. I want to watch the world from afar. not as a participant, but as one who happens to glance at a going-on out of sheer disinterest. I am tired. I need sleep. the kind of sleep not even ishani can put me to on her comfortable shoulders that i miss so much. If i leave your city ishani, its not because i owe you a grudge but because i am tired. i want to sleep. the kind of sleep i slept while in kalimpong. with the whistle of cool breeze playing somewhere near my ears, quilted under a blanket, protecting me from a motherly cold. i want to sleep. i want to go. please.humble request.